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The older, the bolder...

It's been a while. Went to the city (wait, just because I know what "the city" means doesn't mean everyone does). NYC. Manhattan. My home town. No, that's a lie. Growing up I was just a Manhattan wannabe. I grew up in The Bronx. Got married and moved to The Brooklyn. I know it's not "The" Brooklyn but I never have figured out why my particular borough is the only one with a The.

I digress. This is about my getting bolder as I grow older. Here's an example from last week in the city. I went to an Ebook seminar offered through mediabistro.com which is a super site and has a twice daily email about all things media. Now 25 years ago, while I might have attended such a seminar (I know, I know-there wouldn't have been an  ebook seminar back then) but anyway I would have been nervous. I would have wanted someone to attend with me. I would have dreaded that awkward feeling I used to have of being a stranger in a strange place. I'm basically shy. I tend to wait for someone to approach me rather than me them. And when they do I'm anxious about keeping the conversation going...

Hold it. That was then. This is now. I went alone to this seminar. I approached others. I started conversations. I asked for business cards. I offered info about myself. Damn, I promoted myself. For fleeting moments throughout the seminar I had to marvel at what was for me, downright boldness. Where did it come from? How did I get it? Why now?

I've been pondering those questions. I don't actually think it comes from building up experiences and thus feeling braver. I think its more a matter of feeling like - hell, what do I have to lose? If I think about it I really never did have anything to lose in the past either. But it felt like I did. What was I going to lose? Face? Was I afraid of making a fool of myself? So why aren't I afraid of that now?

Maybe older people are expected to make fools of themselves. Maybe younger people give older people more leeway. Maybe others don't notice. Or care.

Maybe I'll just stop questioning it and enjoy this new found feeling of boldness and figure out what else I can do with it.

Hmm. Don't get me started!

Happy Holidays all!

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