Skip to main content

The older, the bolder...

It's been a while. Went to the city (wait, just because I know what "the city" means doesn't mean everyone does). NYC. Manhattan. My home town. No, that's a lie. Growing up I was just a Manhattan wannabe. I grew up in The Bronx. Got married and moved to The Brooklyn. I know it's not "The" Brooklyn but I never have figured out why my particular borough is the only one with a The.

I digress. This is about my getting bolder as I grow older. Here's an example from last week in the city. I went to an Ebook seminar offered through mediabistro.com which is a super site and has a twice daily email about all things media. Now 25 years ago, while I might have attended such a seminar (I know, I know-there wouldn't have been an  ebook seminar back then) but anyway I would have been nervous. I would have wanted someone to attend with me. I would have dreaded that awkward feeling I used to have of being a stranger in a strange place. I'm basically shy. I tend to wait for someone to approach me rather than me them. And when they do I'm anxious about keeping the conversation going...

Hold it. That was then. This is now. I went alone to this seminar. I approached others. I started conversations. I asked for business cards. I offered info about myself. Damn, I promoted myself. For fleeting moments throughout the seminar I had to marvel at what was for me, downright boldness. Where did it come from? How did I get it? Why now?

I've been pondering those questions. I don't actually think it comes from building up experiences and thus feeling braver. I think its more a matter of feeling like - hell, what do I have to lose? If I think about it I really never did have anything to lose in the past either. But it felt like I did. What was I going to lose? Face? Was I afraid of making a fool of myself? So why aren't I afraid of that now?

Maybe older people are expected to make fools of themselves. Maybe younger people give older people more leeway. Maybe others don't notice. Or care.

Maybe I'll just stop questioning it and enjoy this new found feeling of boldness and figure out what else I can do with it.

Hmm. Don't get me started!

Happy Holidays all!

elisetitle.com

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My friend asked me to pose nude for her...

The other day C. called. She has always been an avid photographer and she's really good. I have one of her photos on my wall. Anyway, she told me she was going off for a weekend course in how to photograph people in the nude. Older people. In particular, older women. I waited. I didn't have to wait long. I had my "no" at the ready. When she did ask me if I would pose for her I thought it would be rude to just say "no." What I did say was that the day I can get dressed facing the mirror rather than with my back to it, I would consider it. Notice, I was careful not to say anything definitive. Here's the thing. Like plenty of you out there I have a hang-up about my body. It's not a bad body, especially given that it's an older body. And I'm not going to list the various parts of my body that I particularly have a hang-up about because...well, it would be a long, boring and familiar list. But I really wanted to show my support for C.'s
Post a Comment
Read more

Thank God you can pick your friends!

My husband and I are about to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of very special friends. We met Ted and Deanna 36 years ago and we've stayed strongly connected through a number of moves (ours not theirs), illnesses, life's many ups and downs. We've shared sad times and joyous times. We've traveled together, spent wonderful visits at each others' homes. I'm sure we must have shared thousands of meals together. Thousands of laughs. They've always, ALWAYS been there for us and we have always tried to be there for them. History. We have a deep and meaningful shared history. J. and I are  truly blessed to have a wonderful group of close friends and we value them all. But there are very few couples I've known and loved longer than this very special couple. You can't pick your blood relatives but thank God you can pick your friends. From the very first time we all met, J and I picked them. We were couples with young families. We were in the first dec
1 comment
Read more

You can take the girl out of The Bronx, but...

Well, you know the rest. I have to confess for a long time I really tried to get rid of The Bronx. For a long time after that I thought I had. And for a long time I felt good about it. I'd escaped. No one could tell by my speech, my look, my style, etc. I used to love to hear, "You're from The Bronx? I'd never have guessed." And it's more than that. It's escaping a past that didn't fit in with my fantasy of who I wanted to become, who I wanted to be. It was an escape from a certain social class, an escape from parents whose customs, manners, interests felt alien to me - or maybe the truth was I wanted them to feel alien to me. I wanted to be my own creation!  But deep down I knew the truth. I knew it and it bothered me. I felt like there was really no escape. Not from The Bronx. Not from the lower income class that shaped me. Not from a mother who loved a bargain more than almost anything. And it bothered me. But lately something has changed. It&
Post a Comment
Read more