Skip to main content

Shopping for clothes is tough when you're vertically challenged and...

So I went shopping for a special function with my friend J. I needed shoes, she was looking for a dress. I figured, hell, there are so many sales, maybe I'll look for a few other things. And it seemed whatever we tried on, we knew in our hearts and in our guts that everything would look so much better on us if we weren't...as J. put it so well - vertically challenged. Tall women have an easier time of it. J. told me that in her next life she was coming back as a thin five foot ten blond (with straight hair). I said I'd take curly hair and if I were a redhead that would be okay, too.

But here we were in this life...too damn short! And then I had this sick, sad thought that not only was growing a few inches no longer a possibility, we were going to be facing SHRINKAGE! If we were vertically challenged now what would we be like in ten years? Twenty? My son who's already a foot taller than me (he's fortunately not vertically challenged and I don't know where he got that growth gene) will end up being so much taller than me I'll need a step ladder just to have a face-to-face with him.

Okay, being vertically challenged wasn't the only problem J and I faced on our shopping jaunt. She tried on two dresses. I thought they both looked terrific. She was ambivalent. Yeah, partly she wasn't sure if she really loved the dresses but the other part was what really struck me. "I have to show them to D. (J.'s husband) and see if he thinks they're.......

Old Lady Dresses!!

Huh? What exactly is an old lady dress? An old lady blouse? Pants? I could go on and on. Now my daughter the fashionista has frequently seen me in something that she has announced looks like an old lady whatever? I look at her in utter puzzlement. Obviously when I bought the whatever it never crossed my mind that it was an old lady whatever. No, let me go even further on this topic. I really don't have the foggiest what an old lady whatever looks like. It apparently has something to do with pattern and cut. I think cardigans are old lady. But when twenty and thirty-somethings wear them, they're not.

And styles are always changing. What was acceptable last year is not just unacceptable to wear this year. This year it looks like something an old lady would wear.

But, hey, I'm sort of an old lady. When I said this to my daughter she was aghast. Not because she doesn't accept the fact that I'm no spring chicken. No, the issue is "Mom, you don't want to look like an old lady.

That's only one side of the coin. The other, naturally, is, you're too old to wear that! 

So, I'm vertically challenged and my clothes are either too old or too young for me.

I'll tell you if I weren't so mortally shy I'd just join a nudist colony and call it a day!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Who invented thong undies and WHY???

Young women love them. I see so many of them wearing thong underwear. I "literally" see the thongs. Girls, do you know or care that when you're wearing jeans or any kind of low slung pants that when you bend over or even lean forward your thong strap shows? Maybe it's cool. Like having your bra straps show when you wear tank tops. One day a while back I was with my grown daughter (yes, she still wears thongs) and I was trying on a pair of pants. "God, mom, you can't wear those pants with those underpants. There's a line!!!" Now, I find this funny. It's bad to have the bottom lines of your panties show through your pants but it's apparently okay to have the waist band and the top of the thong part show when you lean forward. But, hey, my daughter was not going to give up on my need - yes, my need - for a pair of thongs. So, like all "obedient" mothers desirous of winning their daughter's approval I let her lead me to the underw...

Why are older women "cougars" and older men..."lucky"?

To set my family's minds at ease I'm not a "cougar". But...I just find it damn offensive that older women who are interested or involved with younger men get labeled. And you can argue that a cougar is not a derogatory term but why don't older men who are into younger women (take that as a double entendre if you like) have a label? Why do these guys get winks and slaps on the back from their pals? I think even younger men look up to them. They're probably thinking - hey, look what's out there waiting for me when I get "old".  Too many older women get dumped by their husbands who then take up with a younger model. I know, I know - you can call it a cliche but really it got to be a cliche because it does happen so often. And isn't it downright eerie that so often these older guys literally find a younger woman who looks so like their once young wives?  Is it sex? Do these older guys want hot young babes so they can have hotter sex lives? ...

Five bucks may not get you a latte but...

A while back my son decided to take one of my thrillers and do a clever video and create an ebook for it. He had to have a new cover made and when I saw it I was quite impressed. I assumed he knew someone in the biz who did it for him and didn't charge much because I knew at the time he didn't want to over-invest. Recently I decided to take 3 of my mysteries that were never published in the English language ( if you read German you can get them all! ) and put them up as ebooks on Amazon . I needed covers for all three. I called my son and asked him who did the cover for CHAIN REACTION and when he explained there was this site called Fiverr.com a whole new world opened for me. An amazing world of commerce and opportunity. OMG, what you can buy for five bucks! Not only an awesome ebook cover (check out the three I had done by a fantastic guy named Eddie-all for $15.) but  almost anything else you can imagine. Talk about a "freelance life" to harken back to my last entr...