Skip to main content

Shopping for clothes is tough when you're vertically challenged and...

So I went shopping for a special function with my friend J. I needed shoes, she was looking for a dress. I figured, hell, there are so many sales, maybe I'll look for a few other things. And it seemed whatever we tried on, we knew in our hearts and in our guts that everything would look so much better on us if we weren't...as J. put it so well - vertically challenged. Tall women have an easier time of it. J. told me that in her next life she was coming back as a thin five foot ten blond (with straight hair). I said I'd take curly hair and if I were a redhead that would be okay, too.

But here we were in this life...too damn short! And then I had this sick, sad thought that not only was growing a few inches no longer a possibility, we were going to be facing SHRINKAGE! If we were vertically challenged now what would we be like in ten years? Twenty? My son who's already a foot taller than me (he's fortunately not vertically challenged and I don't know where he got that growth gene) will end up being so much taller than me I'll need a step ladder just to have a face-to-face with him.

Okay, being vertically challenged wasn't the only problem J and I faced on our shopping jaunt. She tried on two dresses. I thought they both looked terrific. She was ambivalent. Yeah, partly she wasn't sure if she really loved the dresses but the other part was what really struck me. "I have to show them to D. (J.'s husband) and see if he thinks they're.......

Old Lady Dresses!!

Huh? What exactly is an old lady dress? An old lady blouse? Pants? I could go on and on. Now my daughter the fashionista has frequently seen me in something that she has announced looks like an old lady whatever? I look at her in utter puzzlement. Obviously when I bought the whatever it never crossed my mind that it was an old lady whatever. No, let me go even further on this topic. I really don't have the foggiest what an old lady whatever looks like. It apparently has something to do with pattern and cut. I think cardigans are old lady. But when twenty and thirty-somethings wear them, they're not.

And styles are always changing. What was acceptable last year is not just unacceptable to wear this year. This year it looks like something an old lady would wear.

But, hey, I'm sort of an old lady. When I said this to my daughter she was aghast. Not because she doesn't accept the fact that I'm no spring chicken. No, the issue is "Mom, you don't want to look like an old lady.

That's only one side of the coin. The other, naturally, is, you're too old to wear that! 

So, I'm vertically challenged and my clothes are either too old or too young for me.

I'll tell you if I weren't so mortally shy I'd just join a nudist colony and call it a day!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

You can take the girl out of The Bronx, but...

Well, you know the rest. I have to confess for a long time I really tried to get rid of The Bronx. For a long time after that I thought I had. And for a long time I felt good about it. I'd escaped. No one could tell by my speech, my look, my style, etc. I used to love to hear, "You're from The Bronx? I'd never have guessed." And it's more than that. It's escaping a past that didn't fit in with my fantasy of who I wanted to become, who I wanted to be. It was an escape from a certain social class, an escape from parents whose customs, manners, interests felt alien to me - or maybe the truth was I wanted them to feel alien to me. I wanted to be my own creation!  But deep down I knew the truth. I knew it and it bothered me. I felt like there was really no escape. Not from The Bronx. Not from the lower income class that shaped me. Not from a mother who loved a bargain more than almost anything. And it bothered me. But lately something has changed. It&

When you come to a fork...can you take both paths?

It's been a while. That's because I've been standing at this stupid fork in the road trying to decide which path I should take. See, I've been a writer for over 25 years. Maybe it's thirty. And of course I'm still writing as this blog attests. But...this is a big and painful but...I haven't had a book published in "paper" form for several years. And not for want of trying. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow, especially after years of happily "eating sweet success."Oh, a couple of publishers have put older books up as ebooks and I've put up a few I wasn't able to get published the traditional way. (My grown kids tell me I have to wake up to the reality that "the traditional way" is not today's way. And I'm having a hard time grappling with this reality). One of the joys of writing, for me, has always been the solitary nature of the work. Now, to be successful one big component is marketing myself. It's no

Let's get rid of the "pipe" in pipe dreams!

I have had dreams of doing any number of things all my life. Either I or others were quick to label them "pipe" dreams. "Pipe" as in foolish, impractical, ridiculous? A lot of people my age have come to realize that dreams are not the stuff of foolishness. The other day I got an email from a neighbor/friend from my old town who'd discovered my blog. She told me she had started a new "cottage" business of selling greeting cards with her amazing photos on them. Here's her site because you all really should check out these very original cards - www.jgfischel.com It was a reminder to me that no matter our age, young, middle, older, oldest, we have the opportunity to dream new dreams, or capture old dreams and actualize them. We can stop identifying them as "pipe" dreams. I think many of us have spent a good portion of our adult lives  on being practical, cautious, and maybe feeling a little scared or a lot scared. Many of us stifled our cre