Heart Beats

Honestly, I'm not against face lifts. But it starts to feel like I've landed on a weird planet when I go to a concert at Tanglewood and nine out of 10 women have had at least one if not several face lifts. It's almost like being among the "Stepford Wives" after they've turned 60. Here's the thing, they all seem to look the same. The friend I was with turned to a young man she knew and pointed out one woman with one of the hundreds of faces devoid of expression and he replied, "She's smiling." They laughed. But, I don't know, it felt sad. Wearing a smile on your face "lifts" your spirit. It "lifts" other peoples' spirits. I was among so many women who thought they'd gained youth but to me they paid an awful price by not really being able to smile. Oh, I know, I'm exaggerating. Most, but not all, can still curve up their lips but still...it's just not the same. Expressions can tell us so much. They'...

So I went shopping for a special function with my friend J. I needed shoes, she was looking for a dress. I figured, hell, there are so many sales, maybe I'll look for a few other things. And it seemed whatever we tried on, we knew in our hearts and in our guts that everything would look so much better on us if we weren't...as J. put it so well - vertically challenged. Tall women have an easier time of it. J. told me that in her next life she was coming back as a thin five foot ten blond (with straight hair). I said I'd take curly hair and if I were a redhead that would be okay, too. But here we were in this life...too damn short! And then I had this sick, sad thought that not only was growing a few inches no longer a possibility, we were going to be facing SHRINKAGE! If we were vertically challenged now what would we be like in ten years? Twenty? My son who's already a foot taller than me (he's fortunately not vertically challenged and I don't know where he go...

Young women love them. I see so many of them wearing thong underwear. I "literally" see the thongs. Girls, do you know or care that when you're wearing jeans or any kind of low slung pants that when you bend over or even lean forward your thong strap shows? Maybe it's cool. Like having your bra straps show when you wear tank tops. One day a while back I was with my grown daughter (yes, she still wears thongs) and I was trying on a pair of pants. "God, mom, you can't wear those pants with those underpants. There's a line!!!" Now, I find this funny. It's bad to have the bottom lines of your panties show through your pants but it's apparently okay to have the waist band and the top of the thong part show when you lean forward. But, hey, my daughter was not going to give up on my need - yes, my need - for a pair of thongs. So, like all "obedient" mothers desirous of winning their daughter's approval I let her lead me to the underw...

Fifty years ago this month I met the kid who was my soul mate and in my eyes that was truly the beginning of my real life. I've been living that life ever since and hope to do so for many years to come. People are always asking me what has kept us together for all these years and truly more to the point what has kept us HAPPY together for all these years. It is enough for me to say my husband is my soul mate and I am his. But others seem to want more. I can say, or in this case, write more and I think it's important. To be soul mates there has to be an innate understanding of each others needs, wants, hopes, dreams and equally important each others weaknesses and failings. Let's face it, we all have "issues". But the bond comes for us because those "issues" are minor in comparison to all the positives, all the feelings we share. Then there is reasonableness. We are both reasonable. It's important. In fact I think it's invaluable. It means we can ...

Enough already. I don't want to hear another person say to me, "Gee, you really have a HANGUP about that." Or, "You should really get over that hangup." Or, "Don't lay your hangups on me." I have hangups, alright! Like, really, who doesn't? Okay, okay, I know some hangups cross the line into more serious issues. But those are not the ones I'm talking about. Let's start with PERSONAL APPEARANCE. Okay, hair, stomach, butt, wrinkled neck etc. etc. I'm sorry, I don't care who you are - I bet even Jennifer Lopez has some hang-ups about certain parts of her anatomy-we've all got them. Would we all be happier without them? Would it be great if we had such healthy self-images that we were...well, just totally HAPPY with ourselves? I don't really know. I've never met someone who felt that way. Even if I meet someone who swears she/he "has no issues with my anatomy" just dig a little deeper. Not even very deep. Y...

The other day C. called. She has always been an avid photographer and she's really good. I have one of her photos on my wall. Anyway, she told me she was going off for a weekend course in how to photograph people in the nude. Older people. In particular, older women. I waited. I didn't have to wait long. I had my "no" at the ready. When she did ask me if I would pose for her I thought it would be rude to just say "no." What I did say was that the day I can get dressed facing the mirror rather than with my back to it, I would consider it. Notice, I was careful not to say anything definitive. Here's the thing. Like plenty of you out there I have a hang-up about my body. It's not a bad body, especially given that it's an older body. And I'm not going to list the various parts of my body that I particularly have a hang-up about because...well, it would be a long, boring and familiar list. But I really wanted to show my support for C.'s ...

It's not the one where you show up for work only to discover you have arrived there in your "birthday suit". And it's not the one where you're being chased by a madman down a dark street. It's the one where you're back at school! Last night that was my nightmare. I've had it many times over the past 40 to 50 years although it's never exactly the same. There are variations but they're variations on the same theme. This time I am my current age and I find myself re-connected with a childhood friend (in my nightmare she's in her twenties which really is an additional nightmare since I'm not!) Anyway, she convinces me to go to grad school with her. I don't know where the school is. We have to take a bus. Trouble starts. I can't seem to find the right coins to pay to get on the bus. And I'm all thumbs. Can't pull out right change. Meanwhile my friend disappears. The bus drops me off...I don't know where. I fstart walk...