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I've lost my mind...seriously!

Who took it? Where did it go? It's so bad I'm wondering...Did I ever have a mind? I can't remember. It didn't hit me at the traditional ladies birthday lunch today. We ate, we laughed, we did a thankfully brief riff on our latest ailments and mostly, mostly we talked about our kids, our grand-kids, our own childhood. Don't get me wrong, it was fun. I had fun. I think we all had fun. Well, maybe some more than others. One of the ladies did try to bring up something else, something a bit more...serious. Problem was she could only remember a part of the name of the politician she was going to bring up for discussion. I was impressed. I couldn't even remember that much of his name. And so it was back to the usual topics.

Did I ever have anything deep to talk about? Beecause....seriously, I am having trouble having a serious conversation about well, anything serious and I don't know if I'd feel better knowing it's always been this way or if I'm losing it.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. I need to say this because, seriously it would be depressing to spend my days uttterly mind-less. There are still times I can get into discussions about deeper issues. Emotional issues, personal isssues, relational issues. But I talk less and less about existential issues, philosophical issues. My reading list is definitely not what it once was. No more Dostoevsky (I actually had to just do a spell check because I couldn't remember how to spell his name). There was a time I went to see every deep movie out there and then discuss it in depth. Now, seriously, I just watch movies that are basically mindless. And even if there was anything to discuss about them, I don't really remember much about them afterward.

The more I think about it...see, not totally mindless...not having much of a mind does have its plusses.  It's really okay not to have to sit through another depressing but oh so deep Ingmar Bergman film or pat myself on the back (and have my friends pat me, too) for sitting through Werner Herzog's Fitzcarraldo for three hours and have to exclaim that it was worth every moment...every brilliant (endless) moment.

Of course, back then I didn't have to pee every hour or so. I could actually sit through a three hour movie and then maybe even take in a second one after a quick pit stop. But maybe having an excuse not to sit through endless, however deep, tedium is a good thing.What's wrong with simply enjoying myself? Damn it, why should I hide the fact that I've watched every episode of every season of American Idol? And once, yes I admit it, I actually voted. At least I think I did. I can't truly remember. But, hell, that's okay.
(Pause for phone call...good friend on the line. Guess what we chatted about. But we did veer off our discussion of the kids into a personally meaningful discussion about our diets. AND WHY THE HELL WERE WE STARVING OURSELVES AND NOT LOSING A DAMN OUNCE! This will be a discussion for another blog because I really am going to have to vent in more depth about this topic.)

But back to my mind or lack thereof. I've made an executive decision which amazingly I can do with what little brain power I have left. I've decided that whoever has copped off with a chunk of my mind or wherever I lost it...it's okay. There's something to be said for not having all that pressure, working all that hard, using so many brain cells...seriously.

P.S. Those of you who are following my blog may be wondering why I stopped blogging for weeks and now this is my third blog in three days. Mini-minded though I am, I think I've figured it out. Prednesone for my asthma! My doc put me on it for 5 days. I never took it before.This is my fourth day. I'm running on full-octane. I found out this drug can have that effect. Not that I'm complaining...seriously!

Comments

  1. Oh Elise, How I wish you were back living in the Upper Valley. You have touched on so many things I think about but find not coming up in conversation with my (much younger) friends who might not understand. Keep writing - and I'd love to read your book about women of a certain age!

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