Heart Beats

Well, you know the rest. I have to confess for a long time I really tried to get rid of The Bronx. For a long time after that I thought I had. And for a long time I felt good about it. I'd escaped. No one could tell by my speech, my look, my style, etc. I used to love to hear, "You're from The Bronx? I'd never have guessed." And it's more than that. It's escaping a past that didn't fit in with my fantasy of who I wanted to become, who I wanted to be. It was an escape from a certain social class, an escape from parents whose customs, manners, interests felt alien to me - or maybe the truth was I wanted them to feel alien to me. I wanted to be my own creation!  But deep down I knew the truth. I knew it and it bothered me. I felt like there was really no escape. Not from The Bronx. Not from the lower income class that shaped me. Not from a mother who loved a bargain more than almost anything. And it bothered me. But lately something has changed. It&

It's been a while. That's because I've been standing at this stupid fork in the road trying to decide which path I should take. See, I've been a writer for over 25 years. Maybe it's thirty. And of course I'm still writing as this blog attests. But...this is a big and painful but...I haven't had a book published in "paper" form for several years. And not for want of trying. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow, especially after years of happily "eating sweet success."Oh, a couple of publishers have put older books up as ebooks and I've put up a few I wasn't able to get published the traditional way. (My grown kids tell me I have to wake up to the reality that "the traditional way" is not today's way. And I'm having a hard time grappling with this reality). One of the joys of writing, for me, has always been the solitary nature of the work. Now, to be successful one big component is marketing myself. It's no

It's been a while since I've blogged but I'm entering a new experience in my life and I thought it would be fun (I'm determined to make it fun!) to do an audio documentary so to speak. Here's the opening crescendo - My lovely 35 year old daughter, her fantastic 35 year old husband and their two children, a 6 year old little girl and a 2 1/2 year old little boy live in central MA. When my son-in-law got a new job it was their golden opportunity to move to the area the always wanted to live in - Northampton. My husband and I were all for it. It would mean they would only be an hour away and we could see them move often, not to mention we were thrilled they were finally going to be able to fulfill their dream... One little glitch - They had to sell their home in Central MA. A task that did not turn out to be easy. And here, both my daughter and I had watched endless home shows where couples have such an easy time of selling their house - just hire a stager and voil

I'm hearing my own words, words I've said in the past. Words I've said to my kids. When they were young. When I was fairly young myself. Only now the words aren't coming out of my mouth. They're coming out of the mouths of my children. And they're saying these words to me. Go know how well they'd remember all the things I used to say to them. All the advice I gave them. Words of support. Of admonishment. Of warning. Of concern. You can do it if you put your mind to it. Don't just say you'll take care of something, actually take care of it. Is that really what you're going to wear?? If you spend all your time procrastinating you'll just feel bad about yourself. You have to stop obsessing; stop worrying; stop saying "but". It's all very good advice my kids are giving me. Just like it was very good advice I gave them. And it's not like I still don't on occasion say this stuff to my kids. But now it's more a matter o

Remember when you were little and were waiting for what seemed forever until you turned five and could go to kindergarten? Or when you were in middle school and felt like you'd never finally be old enough to go to high school? And four years of college. It lasted for so long. And what about going to work on Monday and watching the days drag by until finally, finally it was TGIF.  You get the idea. Time practically stood still when I was young. Now I feel like I blink and another week's gone by. Summer starts and before I know it the leaves are falling. Even winter, which always seemed endless when I was younger, is over quicker nowadays. This morning I picked up my pill case, the kind with a separate compartment for every day of the week. The pills for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were gone. Just like that. In the blink of an eye. Where did those three days go? And now Thursday's almost over.I swear it feels like I just finished breakfast but  I've go

My husband and I are about to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of very special friends. We met Ted and Deanna 36 years ago and we've stayed strongly connected through a number of moves (ours not theirs), illnesses, life's many ups and downs. We've shared sad times and joyous times. We've traveled together, spent wonderful visits at each others' homes. I'm sure we must have shared thousands of meals together. Thousands of laughs. They've always, ALWAYS been there for us and we have always tried to be there for them. History. We have a deep and meaningful shared history. J. and I are  truly blessed to have a wonderful group of close friends and we value them all. But there are very few couples I've known and loved longer than this very special couple. You can't pick your blood relatives but thank God you can pick your friends. From the very first time we all met, J and I picked them. We were couples with young families. We were in the first dec